my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
