My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
