Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize