Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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