just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
