I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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