it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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