Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
