I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't turn off my feet"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize