Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
