there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
