And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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