Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
