Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a search helicopter?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still dying that you shit outside
Randomize
