I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
