I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
