Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We talked him into tasing himself.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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