he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
