drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
