Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
