She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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