Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
