Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
