i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
