Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
