of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
