Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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