Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
