id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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