Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
