My brain says no but my pants say off.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if only i could text you this smell
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
