THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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