I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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