Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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