I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
