I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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