if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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