i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
