The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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