The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize