idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
