it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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