you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
