Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
