is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My vagina is officially offended.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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