weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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