I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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