You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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