I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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