i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
