tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
