bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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