his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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