Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
