I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
