I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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