Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
