okay pat passed out under dana's car
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
