I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
