Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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