My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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