ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
