If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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