alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
