if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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