Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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