You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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