even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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