I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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