remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
