When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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