I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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