Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
