Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
