dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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